Social Anxiety Explained: When You Freeze, Overthink, or Feel Out of Place
Learn why social anxiety often hits before events and how small steps can help you feel more at ease in conversations and social settings
You manage your responsibilities, navigate your career, and handle life’s challenges. On the surface, you’re doing fine. But when the pressure’s on to just be social—whether it’s a casual team lunch, a friend’s birthday party, an interaction with a stranger, or even a quick phone call—a specific kind of dread sets in hours (sometimes days) beforehand.
You hype yourself up with pep talks, mental rehearsals, maybe even a quick Google search for “how to be normal in a conversation.” But when the moment actually arrives, it all unravels.
Your mind scrambles for something—anything—to say, but it hits a wall. Suddenly, you don’t know what to do with your hands. Shove them in your pockets? Do you fold your arms? Adjust your shirt again?
You’re sure you must seem weird—maybe blinking too much, or not enough—and now you’re overthinking how weird it is that you’re even thinking about seeming weird.
You feel detached, like you’re watching yourself from the outside, trapped in slow motion, just hoping it ends soon—or wishing you could disappear back to the comfort of your couch.
Why does this happen?
The truth is, this social dread rarely appears out of nowhere—it usually develops from a combination of factors:
Biological Sensitivity: Your nervous system may be wired to be more sensitive to anxiety, meaning you feel genuinely overwhelmed in situations others handle with ease. This is a biological difference, not a personal failure.
Past Experiences: Moments like harsh criticism, bullying, or feeling judged can create a deep-seated fear of judgment. This makes social interactions feel threatening even when there's no immediate danger.
The Vicious Cycle: Avoiding social situations might feel safe, but it prevents your brain from learning that the situation is okay. Avoiding social situations might seem like the safest choice, but it often means missing out on chances to build confidence and feel more comfortable over time. And if you’re someone who feels pressure to get everything “just right,” that high standard can make anxiety even harder to manage.
Recognizing how these pieces fit together can be a powerful starting point — helping you understand what’s happening and begin to explore new ways of coping and connecting.
What can I do?
If this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone—and there are ways to start feeling more in control. Here are a few things you can try:
Take small, manageable social steps. You don’t have to jump into big events right away. Start with low-pressure situations where you can build confidence gradually and tolerate the distress in small bits.
Acknowledge Without Judgment: Your anxiety is a response, not a failure. Observe it with curiosity, rather than criticism.
Challenge Your Internal Critic: Notice when your mind labels you as "awkward" or "weird," and remind yourself that the internal critique is not reality.
Practice Self-Kindness: The internal critic is not your friend. When you mess up or feel awkward, treat yourself with the same patience and compassion you would offer a struggling friend.
Take care of your body. Getting enough sleep, eating well, and gentle movement can help ease anxiety’s intensity.
These steps can be a powerful starting point. Some people make progress on their own. Others find therapy helps them feel supported and less stuck.
If you choose therapy, find someone you trust. And if that’s here with Base Camp Psychological Services, we’re ready to take those steps with you.
The information in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing distress or mental health difficulties, please seek support from a qualified mental health professional in your area. No guarantees of specific results are made or implied.
© 2025 Dr. Kristin Conlon. All rights reserved. Please do not copy or reproduce content without permission.