Facing the Fears That Hold You Back — and How to Stop Hiding
As the Halloween season comes and goes, and the scary memorabilia gets packed away, I’ve been thinking about the other fears we try to box up — the ones we carry quietly within ourselves.
What’s the biggest thing you’re hiding from?
If you’re like most people, it isn’t a messy kitchen or a forgotten bill. It’s an internal narrative of inadequacy or isolation — a story you spend countless, conscious and unconscious hours keeping out of sight.
This isn’t ordinary worry or a rare, niche concern. It’s the low, steady hum in the background that whispers, “I’m a fraud,” “I’ll end up alone forever,” “I’m not accepted,” or “I’m just not enough.” Though deeply personal, these fears are remarkably common — and they can quietly become roadblocks, keeping even insightful, capable people from fully enjoying the lives they’ve built.
We pack these fears away not because we’re weak, but because we’re wired to avoid pain. Our minds are masterful at protecting us — sometimes by distracting us from what feels too raw to face. But fears don’t disappear when ignored; they simply wait for their chance to be heard.
How Fear Takes Root
Fear’s primary job is to keep us safe. It’s a deeply human, protective response that our brains and bodies learn early on. Sometimes it develops after a single painful experience — a harsh criticism, a personal loss, or feeling dismissed or unseen.
Some fears build gradually, shaped by repeated messages or experiences. Maybe growing up, approval had to be earned, or standing out came with judgment. Over time, it can feel unsafe to be visible, honest, or different — even though those beliefs don’t reflect the full truth of what’s possible. These fears can show up in small, everyday ways — hesitating to speak up, avoiding new relationships, or replaying a conversation out of fear that the wrong things were said. Everyone’s fear has its own shape, yet beneath them all is the same wish: to belong, to matter, and to feel safe.
When Fear Takes Over
When fear is triggered, your body and brain go into high alert. Adrenaline and cortisol surge through your system, your heart races, and your thoughts narrow. You might freeze, shut down, or avoid — anything to regain control.
These reactions aren’t signs of weakness. They’re signs of a nervous system trying to protect you, sometimes long after the danger has passed.
Avoidance offers short-term relief but long-term reinforcement. Each time we sidestep fear, the brain says, “Good job — you stayed safe,” strengthening the association between avoidance and safety. Over time, the fear feels even more real, even though the threat may no longer exist.
At its core, fear carries a simple message: Don’t get hurt again. That instinct is understandably protective, but over time, it can become a paradoxical cage.
For example, someone worried about ending up alone forever might hold back emotionally to avoid rejection — but that same protection can make closeness harder, reinforcing the loneliness they fear most or contributing to the weakening of their relationships.
Turning Toward Courage
Take a quiet moment to ask yourself: What is my fear protecting me from? Often, the answer reveals something tender — a longing for connection, safety, or love. And that’s where courage begins.
Working with fear isn’t about pushing it away; it’s about noticing it with curiosity and kindness. Here are some invitations to relate to fear differently:
Name it. Putting words to fear makes it less vague and more manageable.
Notice how it feels. Where does it live in your body? What thoughts accompany it? Awareness creates space between you and the fear.
Listen with compassion. Fear’s intention is to keep you safe. Try saying, “Thank you for trying to protect me,” before deciding whether its message still serves you.
Challenge its story. Ask whether the belief is objectively true — and whether there’s evidence for a different outcome. Often, the story that fear tells feels real but isn’t true.
Reconnect with your values. Courage doesn’t mean the absence of fear — it means choosing to act in alignment with what matters most, even when fear is present. When you reconnect with your values — love, growth, creativity, connection — fear often loses its grip.
Share it. Talking with someone you trust helps you remember you’re not alone or broken. Fear loses power when it’s spoken aloud.
The goal isn’t to eliminate fear, but to relate to it differently. With practice, curiosity, and compassion, you can create space for connection, courage, and joy.
If you want to explore these fears more deeply, Base Camp Psychological Services can be a safe place to do so. Relating to yourself with compassion can be challenging, and having support along the way can make that process feel more possible.
The information in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing distress or mental health difficulties, please seek support from a qualified mental health professional in your area. No guarantees of specific results are made or implied.
© 2025 Dr. Kristin Conlon. All rights reserved. Please do not copy or reproduce content without permission.